put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
