Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
