she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
