Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
