I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
