guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
