I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
