You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
