I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Will exercising make me less horny?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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