ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
