Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Boobs speak an international language.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
