seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
