This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
