True but thats because hes a fetus.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
