return my video game
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
