Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
