Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
