she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize