i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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