after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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