I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
