dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
