wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He shit in the fireplace
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
