people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
