my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
