She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
