Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
