It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
