Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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