I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
