So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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