I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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