im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
