OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
