I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
