upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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