tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
