Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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