You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
