I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
