Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
