watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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