Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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