Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
