return my video game
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
