Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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