Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
