dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize