i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
