i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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