I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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