I CAN MOONWALK!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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