He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
