i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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