My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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