Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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