I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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