I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
