i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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