things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
