i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
