He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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