u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
MIDGETS
????
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
