Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
