He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
