Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
