There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
