My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
