i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You took a bar mat shot.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
