I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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