no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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