So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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