Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize