hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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