The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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