I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
