I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
